On Love and Long Distance
I’m in love. That’s right, a lady has fallen for my irresistible charms, and I’ve fallen for hers. I used to think that dating was one of those things where you found a few things in common with a woman and continued to share those things with her while saving the other aspects of your personality for when you’re with your friends. It hadn’t occurred to me that I could find a wonderful woman who is intellectual, worldly, nerdy, AND likes Ren and Stimpy. Not only that, but she’s hot! Our choices of movies and TV are very close. Until she met me, she hadn’t seen The Office, but she’s halfway through season 3 and loving it. When a woman sees Blazing Saddles or Airplane! in your movie collection and is happy to have found them there, you hold on to that woman!
Hey universe, I win!
There’s one slight logistical problem. Well, that’s in addition to the fact that I’m 6’2″ and she’s 5’0″, but that’s surprisingly not much of an issue, other than the fact that I make fun of her a lot for being short. Is it mean to hold something over my head to keep it away from my girlfriend? It probably is, but I don’t do that because she’s into kick-boxing and I’m…well, I’m not. I’m pretty sure she could kick my ass.
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Map of Pennsylvania
The logistical problem of which I speak is the fact that she lives 350 miles away. We’re in the same state, but thanks to that douche Charles II the damn thing is wide as fuck. Not to mention that jerkbag Eisenhower and his interstate system proving one long boring road going from one side to the other. Yeah, thanks for creating an efficient way to move troops, ass.
So for the time being it’s a 5.5 hour trip between us. For now, there are a few things we’ve found that a couple can do to pass the time spent apart while waiting for their next meeting.
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Working hard at work
Developed in part to facilitate use of the time-sharing system for MIT’s IBM 7094 and the like, and in part to ensure that everyone is aware of just how large their penis could be and how low their mortgages can get, email is a valuable tool for exchanging silly nonsense between distant lovers. In a form of electronic kanoodleing, a couple can exchange countless messages on their companies’ times.
Instant Messaging
Another way to communicate with your significant other over vast distances is through an instant messaging protocol. Our protocol of choice is AOL Instant Messenger, but neither of us uses their client. I use Pidgin on Linux and Digsby on Windows, and she uses Adium on OS X and something else at work. It is important to install the SA emotes pack for your client of choice so you can use :quagmire: as often as possible.
Love Letters
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People writing something…
One of the sweetest things my girlfriend has done for me is buy us matching fountain pens so that we can write each other love letters. I use my left over resume paper and scrawl the most romantic, passionate things onto it, sending her wonderful correspondence that looks like it was written by a 3rd grader. I’m working to improve my penmanship though, and it’s what’s written that counts. As long as she can decipher it, it will make the distance seem shorter.
Skype
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It is important to maintain an acceptable appearance when using Skype
If the two of you don’t have webcams, get them. You’ll feel extremely nerdy, but Skype is a great way to stay in contact. She has a macbook pro which takes care of her end. I bought a new webcam to replace my 19th century antique logitech somethingorother that came with Verizon DSL back in the day. If you both have decent connections, you can talk face to face in realtime, which is seriously amazing and I’m not even sure I should make a joke about it. We’ve had a candle-lit dinner over Skype, watched The Office via Skype, and had warm fuzzy conversations over Skype. The latter has the disadvantage of not being able to hug your significant other when they say something particularly sweet, but it’s better than nothing. Make sure to get high quality webcams so you can see the spinach stuck in each other’s teeth.
As two huge nerds we’ve found plenty of ways to stay in touch between visits. In the 21st century, distance is no longer as relevant as it once was, unless you’re discussing physical locations. In that case, it all has to do with some metal bar in France or some crap.
The important thing to remember in long distance relationships is to communicate in some form every day. This keeps your significant other fresh in your mind and eases some of the longing. It also helps you not get stuff done at work, which is a definite bonus.
